Ann Coulter Shits On Soccer: Here is a Point By Point Refutation of Her Article

I used to like her snarkiness when she went after liberals but I guess this is how it feels when she goes after something I actually enjoy.

1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks. 

Tell that to Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Luis "Man-eater" Suarez, Thomas Muller, Robin Van Persie, Neymar etc. Those guys are world superstars because they score goals and prop up in some cases entire national teams. Unfortunately all of these guys are not American so Coulter does not approve.

(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level. 

Spoken like someone who has never played the sport before. It is hard and you have to be fit. Girls and boys play together in baseball and even football at lower levels. She doesn't shit on those sports.

(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.  

First of all soccer is divided into 2 halves and not periods. Also there were only five 0-0 ties out of the 48 games played this world cup. One of them was awesome in Mexico vs. Brazil. Scoring doesn't make this sport great. It is everything that goes into scoring that does it. No other sport can put you on the edge of your seat like soccer.

(4) The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Soccer has some of the most brutal injuries you can imagine. Compound leg fractures and head injuries have happened quite a few times. Also Google Barbosa if you want a tale of personal humiliation that haunted a man his entire life for not stopping a single goal.


(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

Hockey uses sticks and technically only one guy is supposed to use his hands and that is still a sport.

(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating. 

Just use your lying eyes in places like Chicago and Kansas City. They had massive viewing parties that can rival anything that is happening in Europe. Soccer is catching on because more and more decision makers played it as kids through AYSO. I'm sure there are a host of enemies labeled "the same people" in Ms. Coulter head but that is quite another story.

(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it. 

We have played soccer in this country since 1862 which is when the Oneidas of Boston when the first American soccer club was formed. It is just about as old as baseball and it was invented by the country that was formally our colonial masters. I'm sure she knows basketball was invented by a Canadian and football came from British Rugby. It is about as foreign as Benedict Cumberbatch. Also strange praise for African-Americans at the end of that statement as well.

(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

The metric system is scary! I'm glad we have Ann Coulter to stand up against its insidious practice.

(9) Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."
The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.) 

Yeah, but the only sport it didn't beat was football and that is our national pastime so it shouldn't come close to it. It beat out NBA basketball and the World Series so there is that. "Catching on" means there are more viewers than the last World Cup. That is a true statement no matter how Ann Coulter feels about it.

In any case just cheer that some American guys went to Brazil and did well. (Some of them were German-American but they still wear our colors on their backs.) In this case they did better than Italy, France, Portugal, England, Spain, and even Russia. Support your entire country for once and don't break it into liberals and conservatives, light-rail lovers, African-Americans and Coulters's mental enemies aka "the same people." Just support our country or you could change the channel to Fox News and forget the World Cup is even going on.